puto

Spoiler alert: I'm gay. And, frankly, I've basically known this since I hit puberty and realized that I was different. That era - 25 years ago (gasp!) - was not especially kind to young gay men in sports. I remember being thoroughly intimidated by and afraid of the locker room. I had been ridiculed for years as a kid for not being manly enough. It's why I chose individual over team sports, why I stopped playing a musical instrument that wasn't masculine enough, and why I took great pains for years to "pass" as something other than gay. 

This used to scare the heck out of me.

It should come as little surprise, then, that it took a long time for me to warm up to sports. The typical "guy" thing of being into some mainstream sporting event, and all the comes with it, is something I only started to feel comfortable with in college where, as an undergraduate at the University of Michigan, I watched our football team snag a national championship in my freshman year. From there, I branched out into other sporting spectating, like basketball, volleyball, gymnastics, and ice hockey. I even played team sports for a split second!

But, even with all that Michigan has meant to me in the decades since, I've found it difficult to invest in other teams. Until now. 


Now, LA has the new MLS franchise Los Angeles Football Club, or LAFC. I've been intrigued by soccer for many years, and had tried (albeit unsuccessfully - that's a topic for another post) to get excited about the LA Galaxy. From the start, the team was going to build a stadium in central LA, which would be transit-accessible. It was going to be part of the LA soccer community. Given our excitement, my husband and I both signed up in 2015 to be "members," and we've gone to numerous events since and bought a fair amount of gear along the way. I've only ever been genuinely invested in my alma mater's sporting fates... until now.

If you've read this far, you might be wondering, "what's up with the blog post title, and how does that relate?"

See, for as much as I've gone to sporting events at Dodger Stadium, StubHub, the Coliseum, Staples, the Pontiac Silverdome, Michigan Stadium, Yost Arena, and on and on, I have always felt... different. Why? Because I'm gay. I know that, push comes to shove, I'm still on the outside looking in. Representation is a real thing, and for LGBT people it is almost non-existent in professional sports (although that is slowly changing). I also cannot tally the number of times I've heard a fan yell out "faggot!" at an opposing player in disgust; I'm so inured to it that it barely registers anymore.

So, imagine my delight at finally getting to see LAFC open their new stadium, in April 2018. My beau and I were so excited, and had felt a real sense of community that LAFC sought to create, that elevated and celebrated the best LA has to offer.

Not an understatement: Incredible atmosphere from day one.

And, then, we heard it. Over, and over, and over. "Ehhhhhhhh... PU-TO!!!" Over, and over, and over. Ringing across the field, from untold numbers of fans, for whom this was the worst insult they could rain down upon our opponents -- calling them slang for a gay sex worker. "Ehhhhhhh... PU-TO!!!!" Over, and over, and over. And the worst part? For the fans screaming it, this cheer was just a fun time - without any thought for the many people in that stadium for whom this was a painful cut - a stab in the heart at a beautiful moment.

(I heard the chant again last night, over the television, as LAFC took on Houston in the US Open Cup semi-finals, whenever Tyler Miller set up to take a free kick. Houston fans delighting in their homophobia. And, thus, my impetus for writing this post today, because there's actually a lesson here.)

LAFC's home opener was the first and last time we heard a crowd give that chant at Banc of California. Within 24 hours, LAFC ownership issued a public statement of opposition. Before the next game's start, the team created a video denouncing the cheer. The club's supporters' groups made very visible efforts opposing the cheer. And, at the start of every game since, LAFC have placed rainbow flags on the field, alongside the team's signature black and gold, to make expressly clear that discrimination has no place in our home. ALL ARE WELCOME.

No words to describe what this means to me and so many others.

Do y'all even understand just how moving all of this is? For a man who grew up scared for his physical safety every time he had to use the locker room? For someone who was convinced he would be dead by now because someone would attack him for loving the same gender? For a person who gave up on sports for so many years because, well, people like him just aren't welcome?

Let me tell you what this is for me: Where I might have been a single-season ticket-holder, I now believe I will be a lifetime season ticket-holder. Where I might have worn my LAFC hat only on game days, I now proudly wear it all the time. Where I might have kept to myself about my joy in watching good professional soccer being played right here in the heart of LA, I now engage people all the time in conversation about what this sport means and what this community means to me and to our city.

I didn't fully realize how much I felt unwelcome at sporting events until I actually felt welcome. And that single change alone has not only changed my relationship to LAFC, it has changed me.

"Puto" is not welcome at Banc of California because it is not who we are. We are shoulder-to-shoulder. We are a big family, with lots of challenges but also a lot of heart. We stand with each other and our team. And we are Los Angeles.

(Big thanks as well to LAFC Pride Republic for creating an LGBT supporters group that has made this bond between fan and team even stronger for me and so many others.)